Thinking Green... 4H Green

Well, I had my first 4H leaders meeting last night.  Not bad.  It ran a little long, but was well worth the drive and time.  You see, about a year ago, I got the notion that it would be awesome to get my stepson involved in 4H.  I had grown up in Mason County 4H from age 8 on, and LOVED it.  He's quite inquisitive still, has big dreams on becoming an inventor and engineer someday, and really what better place to help him hone in on these traits than to get him involved in 4H projects and activities.

Anyhow, getting him involved meant I would likely be getting involved again too.  We live in "urban" WV, and granted this state isn't exactly known for its vast cities and urban bloom, it does have distinctly urban areas, free of livestock and farms, forests and black bears... and apparently 4H clubs.  That's right.  In a fairly well populated town, I had thought there would be lots of clubs and parents working together for our youth... well, not so much apparently.  Urban sprawl apparently works negatively when it comes to getting kids involved in activities and clubs... who knew.  Anyhow, I had contacted the county extension agent almost a year ago now, wanting to know just what clubs were near us and when the clubs tended to cutoff new memberships to prepare for projects and fairs.  It took a while before I heard back from her, and we both had a series of unfortunate delays that pushed our initial meeting back, but eventually I got to sit face to face with her and start talking about the state of local 4H, the lack of urban clubs and the need for a new leader at one of the outskirts of the city clubs.  And so I've found myself getting reacquainted with a green and clover filled life.  We've only had two club meetings so far, but I'm getting a feel for how things have been going with the club so far.  There's a lot of younger members, too young to lead yet, but there will be potential later.  The teens are few in number, but apparently they've got their own Teen Leaders group and several have started dropping the regular clubs to do only Teen Leader stuff.  Sucks, because we really need them there to help lead the younger kids, but I can understand their desire to hang out with others their age and get involved in more activities.  Our clubs current leadership are wanting to step down a bit and I've been tapped as their possible replacement.  It is definitely an honor, but it's going to take some work.  I want to try to reinvigorate the club a little, get the teens more involved, start setting up group activities and more fund raisers to help members go to camps and the like.

The Leaders Meeting was good.  I got to meet some of the other county volunteers, get a peek into the budget, learn about some of the new program offerings that we will see added to 4H in the next year, and basically have a good time.  Part of what we were discussing last night was what makes a good leader, a good club and a good organization.  We talked about commitment, creativity, inclusion, openness, providing a safe and friendly environment, teaching, getting (and staying) organized, patience, balance and flexibility.  While we discussed these things I thought to myself that we needed one more... sustainability.  Not just financial sustainability or environmental sustainability... no, what I was seeing was an overall sustainability that covered keeping up our momentum for positive change, not taking on so much as individuals that we burnt ourselves out, teaching our kids how to raise money for their clubs and the fun things they want to do... an overall sustainability aimed at keeping 4H (and really anything important in our lives) from becoming atrophied and useless.  There are so many great programs out there, some many great ideas for getting youth involved and interested in their communities, but it's so easy to lose our drive and that's not good.  Without our drive for change and to see the obstacles ahead as mere challenges on our way to where we want to be.  Without ways to help us sustain our momentum, it's so easy to watch ourselves slow down and eventually sort of stop... like the perpetual motion balls, you drop the one on the end and the force knocks the one of the end up.  Technically, in the right conditions, it should be able to stay in motion forever... but there's gravity and friction opposing the motion and eventually the movement slows and stops.  Our lives, our passions, our families... they all experience this, and sometimes the funk it causes on us as individuals, or groups, can be down right devastating.  When we start feeling these effects it is time to take account of the forces working for us and our goals, and the ones working against us.  What's amazing is that the things we expect to be working for us don't always... sometimes they cost us more time and money than we realized, sometimes they actually take our focus off the things that were more important.  I'd like to challenge you, and myself, to take a moment and really consider your goals.  Consider how everything else in your life effects those goals and then start thinking of ways to cut the friction out of the equation and see if you can reignite your momentum.  I know this is something I need to do in my life, how about you.

A little relaxation finally...

Well, for the first weekend in I don't know how long, I actually had a chance to relax.  This fall has been filled with lots of little worries and questions marks.  My dad's heart problems, my partner's heart attack, paying off doctor bills and getting new ones, leaky pipes, squeaky old floors, rising heating bills and the like... it's just been a season of worries in our household and I'm not a big fan of worry.  So for the first time in what feels like ages, I was able to sit back and relax a bit on my extended weekend.  I did manage to get some of the housework done that was starting to back up from the wonderfully crazy work schedules I've been managing in order to reduce our childcare costs, but overall I relaxed.  And best yet, I got a call from my dad about his recent doctor visits and tests, and we finally got some good news... NO SURGERY!  At least not right now.  The doctor said that he had sufficient blood flow for someone his age and what not, and though he did want to keep an eye on him and run tests to monitor his heart and blood flow, he didn't believe surgery was the best option right now.  I'm so thankful of that.  :)  I needed some good news like that.  My partner's been fine since his heart attach back in September, but we will have to go back for a second cath and fourth stint soon which means another week or so off work.  The fourth stint seems more precautionary, which is less stressful to think about, though we're just getting our portion of the first cath and stints from the hospital and the numbers are still... intimidating.  I've been working to pay off our higher interest debts and the new bills are hard to swallow since I know it just means it will take us that much longer to get our debts paid off and gone... and more discouraging, that puts off us buying a home.  But we can do it... patience Michelle, patience.

Speaking of bills, we came very close to adding to our grocery bills over the weekend.  Will taking the oldest on a hike at East Lynn Lake we came across an abandoned dog.  A sweet, friendly, adorable mute with a lot of chow like features and a swelling belly of pups.  She followed us around the whole hike once she spotted us and had we had a fenced yard or room indoors for her, I am almost positive she would have been coming home with us.  Not that we need more mouths to feed or vet bills, but we've been dreaming of our own home, a little more (and better organized) space, and animals... dogs, chickens, maybe even some goats or pigs eventually.  Such a sweet dog would have fit in perfectly with the dream setting.  But alas, for now, we're pet-less, farm-less and still working towards the dream... patience Michelle, patience. 

2010 in Review... or what led me to start this blog

Well, we're half way through November, Christmas has been peaking around the aisles of stores since sometime in October, and fall here in West Virginia has been in full swing for quite a while with its gentle reminders that winter isn't far away.  While I've got a moment, finishing my lunch at work and trying to take a moment or two to myself, I'd like to take account of 2010, to give myself a reminder of where I've been and how far I've come as well as give my potential readers a glimpse at what's been happening in my life.

Let's start back a little further, with a month of happy announcements, August 2009.  At that time my partner and I had been trying to get pregnant for a couple months, his son was visiting us from Pennsylvania, and we were just getting ready to make preparations for the long drive back to drop him home with his mom when we were blessed with the news that they would be moving to West Virginia.  Even better, they were hoping to move to our town.  This was WONDERFUL news for us.  When my partner and his ex had split a few years earlier, she had taken a job promotion in Florida.  This made it pretty much impossible, due to financial constraints, to visit his son.  So for a year, until they chose to move north again and settled in Pennsylvania, we had to be content with phone calls and shipping gifts through the mail.  The thought of being able to see him practically whenever we wanted was just... freaking AWESOME.  :)  But good news doesn't mean there won't be stresses... so we soon realized that until they found jobs and a place of they're own they would have to stay with us.  Now, as far as ex's go, we all have a pretty good relationship.  We don't always agree on things, but we all get on well enough and we didn't have much difficulty past the simple notion that we were adding four people, 2 children and 2 adults (one of which was pregnant) to our rather small home.  Mind you, we're not living in a "tiny" house (check out the Tiny House Blog for true tiny houses), but we were still living in roughly a thousand square foot space... a thousand square feet of oddly arranged space at that... old, oddly arranged space.  So our tiny back bedroom/storage room had to be emptied and set up as bedroom for my stepson and his half sister.  The middle bedroom that he had been using had to be emptied out and arranged into a temporary bedroom (which included a mattress on the floor), our dining was already our master bedroom because it is the only room in the house big enough to hold a queen size bed with any walk around space, and all that extra stuff had to either be sold, given away or somehow find a place in the rest of the house.

During this time, some bills had to be put on the back burner to allow for the added utility usage of an extra four people, as well as added grocery bills and the like.  Privacy was an illusion supported by curtains hung in the doorways (we have a whooping two interior doors... one for the back bedroom and one for the bathroom), and quiet... while quiet never exists where more than two people are gathered anyhow, unless they're sleeping and not always then.  We adjusted as best we could, content in the reality that our son would be close to us for the first time in years.  And it wasn't long after our company arrived that we were blessed with the news that we were pregnant!  So our home of two became a home of six with two expecting mothers, two children (nine and two), and two bewildered dads.  Exciting isn't it.  :)  I'm sure somewhere someone is thinking about making that scenario into some kind of reality TV.

Anyhow, our company eventually moved out after a couple of months.  They were able to find a place of their own not far from us, and we get to see our little man (now nine years old) almost every weekend unless we're stuck working.  The rest of 2009 was more quiet.  We watched my belly swell, visited our son's mom and new half sister when she arrived, and started to catch up on the bills that had fallen behind.  By January or February we had caught up on our bills and were finally able to start paying a little extra here and there to help us get out of debt.  Sometime around there I started making a more concerted effort on getting us debt free.  I began keeping an Excel calendar/check register to keep track of expenses and budget ahead.  It's been an invaluable tool for me.  It's allowed me to really see what I have and what I'll need as the month goes by.  I also downloaded an Excel debt calculator that I think I found on Mint, but I'm not positive these days.  The calculator has been a great help as well since it helps me to visualize just when I will be able to get my debts paid off and allows me to change payment amounts so that I can keep a fairly accurate track of extra payments and such.  If you're interested in seeing either of these let me know I will try to make them download-able.  

In April, my daughter decided to make her arrival, 4 weeks early.  We spent a week in the NICU to let her lungs catch up a bit and get her oxygen levels up and her jaundice down, but despite all that we had ourselves a beautiful baby girl.  We both took some time off to enjoy this precious bundle of joy, to get used to having a tiny new person around and to share time with our families.  This was all old news for my partner who had gone through all the ups and downs of pregnancy and having a new baby in the house before, so he was a huge help to me.  He was extremely supportive and still is.  I must say, he is one of the brightest blessings I've had in my life.  

Despite the disruption in my sleep, the changes to our lifestyle and to my own body, and the fun of healing from a cesarean, it was the return to work that was my hardest adjustment for me to motherhood.  I've always preferred to do a good job at whatever I've done, to take my time and do things right, instead of rushing to do more at once and none of it well.  I was already feeling annoyance at not being able to keep my home as neat and clean as I'd like because I was coming home from work so tired, then add in a new baby... and you have someone desperately seeking a balance in they're working life and their home life.  My return to the workforce just six weeks after my daughter's birth had me feeling conflicted over not being able to care for my daughter full time, being distracted at work, and being too tired when I got home to wash all the dishes, or cook.  It's no wonder that my hope to breast feed dried up... I was so tired and stressed out that my body wasn't going to let me try to add milk production to the list. 

But slowly I've adjusted to the need to be a little bit of everything.  I'm not happy about it and I still struggle more on some days than others, but I'm working and providing and doing without rest when I have to so that I can keep working or play with my daughter or get the house cleaned up while the rest of the house is sleeping.  Trying to eat healthy was hard, but essential.  My partner and I had both come up with Cholesterol issues and he had added blood pressure problems.  But all the healthier eating and changes to our lifestyles (increased outdoor activities, cutting budgets to pay off debts and reduce stress) couldn't prepare us for September.  

On the 20th of September I got a text message from my partner.  He was having chest pains and was being taken to the hospital.  Chest pains, numbness and tingling in his limbs, sweating buckets, dizzy... not good.  I called my mom, had her take the baby and I picked up our car from his workplace.  I still made it back to the hospital shortly after he arrived at the ER.  He wasn't even in a room yet.  It was about 6:30 by then... we were placed in a tier two room and we waited, and waited, and waited.  He didn't want me to call anyone and worry them, but I at least Facebooked that we were at the ER and ask for prayers from our friends and family, I was too worried myself not too.  About 2am we finally got the confirmation that he had indeed had a heart attack or acute mitochondrial infarction... his blood work had confirmed what the EKG had been too late to see.  By 5am we were admitted and in a room, around 7am we had a little breakfast and I started making phone calls, by 9am they were taking him back for a cath and shortly after I was told he had three major blockages over 90% and another over 70%.  They would put stints in the three worst arteries and we would wait on the last.  I was too shocked to ask why.  By 11am he was recovering in the ICU and I was catching family up on what was happening and where we were.  It was surreal.  He's 31 folks, he just turned 31 in August... we had just had a baby in April... we were eating better and exercising more... and THIS was not supposed to be happening.  We were in shock.  He had a family history of heart disease but we never imagined that it would manifest so young.  In all honesty we were really quite lucky, despite three major blockages, his attack had caused no muscular damage to the heart.  With the stints, blood thinners and a continued push to eat healthier and be more active he should be fine.

The heart attack had taken him out of work for month, but thankfully our hard work at cutting our expenses and paying off our debts had paid off and gave us some wiggle room.  The kindness of friends and family helped even more.  It's been an eventful and somewhat trying year.  Things have changed and will continue to change, with and without our help I'm sure... and I'm hoping that we can guide our changes in the directions we'd like them to go, that we will continue to move forward with our debt reduction and hopes to get into a newer home that we can own out right (it won't be anything crazy, but it will be sufficient and the desire to own it out right instead of owning a mortgage is so strong for me it's pretty much become essential), and that eventually we can continue simplifying our lives and home and making it a greener and more peaceful place for us all.